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Statements that only a leg amputee would say.
I was discussing the process of learning to walk with my prosthetic leg and talking about how I would not be able to wear it all day at first. I say:
“I will have to take my leg off and carry it home.”
One day while sitting on the examining table, waiting for my prosthesis to come back with my leg, there was a knock on the door. A man opened the door and asked if my prosthesis was there. I respond:
“No, he is fixing my leg somewhere.”
This was a text response to my wife. She had text me to see what my afternoon plan was. I was currently at my prosthesis picking up my first leg and then heading to the gym for my training secession. I was leaving the prosthetist office with my leg on for the first time and there was no way I was training with it on at that point. My responding text read:
“I will need to stop home for gym clothes. And to take off my leg, I guess.”
This statement came from a discussion on how I was going to air travel, as an amputee, for the first time. I didn’t want to wear my leg on the plane and I didn’t want to risk it getting lost checking as luggage.
“I need a carry-on bag that my leg will fit in.”
This statement was said to me during a conversation while I was struggling to get accustomed to the prosthetic.
“Just keep working on being an awesome one-legged guy.”
We were having hot water tank problems, so while on the phone with the heating and cooling company, they asked me a question that required looking at the hot water tank. Without giving it a thought, I say:
“I don’t have my leg on, so it will take me a few minutes.”
By the confused response he gave, I realized he had no idea I was an amputee.
Skiing
As I skied by two small kids, one says to the other:
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“Look, that man only has one leg.”
The friend responds:
“That’s because he lost the other one.” (Do you think it is lying on the hill somewhere?)
I was standing in front of the ski lodge on my one ski and outriggers when a man says to me:
“Looks like you are having fun, I love to do that.” (What, cut your leg off and ski?)
I pass two little girls on the stairs. One girl says to the other:
“Look at that man.”
The other girl responds:
“He lost his foot.” (I hope I find it some day!)
Amputee skiing benefit: You don’t have to worry about crossing your ski tips and you never end up with your skis tangled during a wipeout.
Kids
My 4-year-old niece is messing around with me when she stops with a confused look on her face and says:
“Uncle Darryl, why do you have two feet?”
I was wearing my prosthesis.
She also has referred to it as my “toy leg.”
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Taking a spinning class and learning to ride my bike.
This text came after having my leg fall off during my first spinning class I took. The dilemma: How do I keep my leg from falling off?
Me: “Please sign me into spin for Friday. In the meantime I will purchase a roll of duct tape!”
My Trainer: “Remind me tomorrow, I think it’s 24 hours in advance.
The gorilla tape actually seems even stronger, lol.”
This text was after I fell off my bike and rotated my foot.
“Wait until you hear my biking story – luckily you can fix a fake leg with an Allen wrench!”
“The good news is that I can pedal a bike, I just have to figure out how to keep the leg on.”
At the gym
A random guy at the gym stops and says:
“Wow, I didn’t know you had a bionic leg! That’s great! Can you run?”
(He was trying to say that just by watching me walk you would never know I had a prosthetic leg, but he made it sound like a prosthetic leg was better than a real one.)
Anther guy stops me to say:
“My son calls you Iron Man. I thought you might like to tell your friends that.”
As a personal trainer I am currently a team captain of a transformation challenge team. The slogan on the back of my team’s tee shirt:
“We have a leg up on the competition!”
I will leave you with more of a funny story.
While sitting at PF Changs having dinner, the waitress comes by to fill our water glasses. Suddenly she realizes that she was pouring water onto my (fake) foot instead of in my glass. She panics and start apologizing profusely. I say:
“Not a problem, it isn’t real, I can’t feel a thing,” while pulling up my pant leg.
I’m not certain, but I think she might have given up waitressing after that.
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